Life has been incredibly hectic lately. Working too much, trying to stay on top of a semi-clean house, keep a social life with a 6 month old and our marriage afloat. It's exhausting! And it's summer which means that people are constantly pulling us in different directions to do stuff. We enjoy having friends and hanging out but sometimes I long to sit at home as a family.
Last night just that happened. I was too exhausted to realize it at the time, but it was a glorious night! After a very packed weekend, we ended our day with grocery shopping and cereal for dinner. It was 8pm. Which is actually early for dinner these days. We put Hailey in her exersaucer jumper and sat down on the couch together. The movie "Salt" was just starting and looked good to me. Johnny said it looked interesting and asked if I minded watching it. Big sigh of relief! We unwind with totally different types of TV. I like trashy drama and he likes science shows. Rarely do we find something to both enjoy. The movie was pretty good and we got Hailey in bed by 8:45. She's going to bed earlier and earlier which means we have to cram everything in earlier and earlier. But it also gives us baby-free time which is both happy and sad. So we paused the movie, got her in bed and then went back down to the couch. We resume our pre-baby positions: Johnny sitting on the end of the couch with the remote and me laying across the rest of the couch with my feet across his lap. We don't assume any positions that give us lightning fast ease to get up and tend to the baby. We just relax. Again, it was glorious. The movie was pretty good. I didn't really matter, it could have been terriible but being there so carefree was so needed. I didn't even realize it until today when I keep thinking about writing Johnny a letter for his birthday. It's coming up on Friday and we're so busy trying to make everything run on a daily basis and there is always something to be stressed out about so I sometimes forget how much I love him and how great he is.
I assume that no one reads this so I guess that I will start here.
Dear Johnny,
I feel like life is always so hectic and when I feel like I want to sit down and tell you how much I love and appreciate you, it's always a time that we should be doing something else or you'll question where it's coming from because you're down about something or I've done something wrong. Well right now nothing has happened I've just been thinking a lot about how much I appreciate you. Everytime you interact with Hailey I cannot imagine a better father for her. Your unconditional love for her is something I admire about you. When she hurts, you hurt. When she smiles, your whole face lights up. The thought of how your love and devotion to her is going to transform her into a loving person as she grows up is mind blowing. I am very jealous of her that her daddy thinks the world of her and would do anything to protect and support her. With your love and support she can honestly get anywhere she wants in life. Her success has no boundaries.
I should not be surprised by this trait in you. Lexie was sick in the beginning of our relationship but you loved and supported me while she got better. You've always shown such a pure love for Lexie even now that we have Hailey and Lexie seems to be in the way often. You still prioritize loving her. It's incredible to me.
I am so proud of who you've become since we've met. You were always kind, fun, ambitious, smart and loving. Since we've been together you've finished college, allowed us to buy a house, get married, go on two amazing vacations, have a baby, pay off debts and buy a new car. You provide me with an emotional and financial security that never existed before. I'm so proud of you for getting away from a job you hated and taking a chance. It didn't pan out but you made the best of it and kept being persistent until you got what you wanted. I admire your persistence. You are content with what we have but are always striving to be more. You want to continue school to align yourself for a better job. You want better for our family but still appreciate what we have. You want to better yourself but you never make me feel like I'm not good enough. You are the perfect partner for me. You are truly my better half.
I love you for a million reasons but one of the first and biggest is that you cherish me and my feelings. You always try to understand me even when I don't make sense. You're so quick to love and to forgive when I'm being a pain. As life changes and we face new things together, my sense of security is never lost. I know that me, Hailey and Lexie will always be safe and loved because of you. I know that Hailey will grow up to be an amazing person because of you. For your birthday, I wish I could give you something to symbolize how much you give me every day and how much I appreciate you for it. There is nothing I can buy or enough words to express how much I love you and appreciate you every single day. Thank you so much and I love you.
